The Deep South/Transcript
Credits. Caption: A Stern Warning of Things to Come. :['''Scene': Planet Express: Lounge. Nibbler sits on Leela's lap and she picks tufts out of his fur. Bender does the same to Fry. Enter Hermes.]'' Hermes: Exciting news, people! The pet licence I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Leela: Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Hermes: Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space. But I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies! opens the envelope. Great Jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet licence, it's a fishing licence. And it's mandatory! :['''Scene': The Planet Express ship takes off and heads out to sea.]'' :Lapse. It stops a short while later and the cargo bay lift comes down with Bender, Fry and Farnsworth standing on it. Farnsworth: Ah! The exact centre of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. Bender: So we're in international waters? Farnsworth: Indeed so. :whips out a radio and talks into it. Bender: Falcon, this is Blue Raven, the goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. speedboat pulls up next to the ship and a man hands Bender a package which he puts in his chest cabinet. The speedboat pulls away and Bender turns to Fry and Farnsworth who haven't noticed anything. Hey, guess what you're accessories to? :Lapse. On the roof of the ship, the staff pull out their fishing equipment from the gun turret. Leela: The sun, the sea air, good friends. Bender: Leela's right, fishing blows. Whattya say we make it interesting? Hermes: Why not? Amy: Yeah. Farnsworth: Yeah, cool. Bender: Everybody kick in five bucks. except Zoidberg hands him $5. There, wasn't that interesting? Leela: Bender! :chuckles. Fry: This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. :stretches out his arms. Bender: Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big! :extends his arms the length of the ship. Leela opens a case. Leela: I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys, 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. :twists the top of the harpoon onto the bottom. Bender: Harpoon, my ass! Leela: OK. :she does. He screams in pain and jumps into the water. Hermes looks at five buckets. Hermes: Let's see now, which bait to use? looks up. Crickets? Squid? Chicken necks? Zoidberg: Excuse me, if I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. eats a sardine. These sardines for example are bland and tasteless. eats a few more. And these dry, stringy night crawlers, though juicy ... eats a few. ... very, very juicy-- :sticks his head in the bucket and gobbles the bait. Hermes: I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! picks up his fishing rod and hits Zoidberg with it. Beat it, you mooching crawdad! :runs away and woops. Bender presses a button on his fishing rod. Bender: Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Fry: whispering Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Bender: Fine. I'll head over to the other side. leans over the side of the ship. shouting Good luck fishing on this side! :walks away and Fry casts his line and chuckles. Fry: I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards! Bender: Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp! Fry: A shrimp? laser guide appears between Fry's eyes. I find it a bit hard to believe that-- :line hits Fry between the eyes and knocks him over. Leela spins her harpoon around and sees something in the water. Leela: Aha! throws the harpoon and starts pulling it in. Gather round, chumps! I got the winner! :old boot comes out of the water on the end of the harpoon. Leela sighs. Amy: Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots? :reels in a little fish. Bender: Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick! :laughs. Fry: Hey, a fish this fine belongs in a fish nugget-style chunklet. And anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. laughs and bends over. Bender hits him with his fishing rod again. Ow! My small intestine! :tries again with the harpoon. Leela: Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. :pulls out a crate marked "Boots 10 Pair" and sighs. Farnsworth: You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone. pulls out a spray can. The most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. shakes the can and tries to spray it on his line but he is holding it the wrong way so it sprays back in his face. Uh-oh! :fish leap up to his head. He screams and knocks them off. Zoidberg comes up behind him and sniffs him. Zoidberg: sexfully I'm so into you! :wraps his mouth flaps around Farnsworth's head and slurps. Farnsworth: Oh, my! :reels in his line. There is big fish attached to it. Fry: shouting Hey, Bender, I just caught a fish this big! Bender: Quit exaggerating, Fry. Ah, screw this! throws his fishing rod in the bin. If I'm not gonna catch a fish, I might as well not catch a big fish. takes Amy's parasol and bends it to make a giant fish hook. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. :ties the ships tether line to the hook. Farnsworth: Bender, be careful. That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Bender: Then why do I have to be careful? Farnsworth: It belonged to my grandmother. :takes some food from Hermes' hands, attaches it to his hook and throws it into the sea. Hermes: My Manwich! :Lapse. Dusk approaches. Fry sleeps in a chair with his rod next to him, Amy sleeps, Hermes sleeps with sign hanging around him saying he will be awake at 7pm. Bender snoozes, his door opening and closing. Leela casts her harpoon again. Leela: Wake up, everyone! I've got something. And this time it's alive! pulls out another boot with Zoidberg on the end of it and groans. Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? Zoidberg: I wasn't wearing it. ashamed I was eating it. :sighs and lets go of the rope. Leela: Come on, let's go home. :wakes up and screams. Amy: Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? Bender: I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. growls. What? I put sunblock on you. Amy: Well it didn't work! :turns around and stomps off. On her back Bender has spelled out "Honk If Bender Is Great" in sunblock. He giggles. Leela: Come on, Bender. Pull in your line and let's go. :tries to pull in the line. Bender: Hey, I'm snagged. :line starts to whirr away. Farnsworth: It's not snagged, the mechano man has caught something! struggles to pull in the line. A huge shadow looms towards the ship from the water. Sweet Zombie Jesus! It's huge! Amy: It's coming up! :huge fish leaps up from the water and over the top of the ship. The staff gasp. Hermes: Oh, that's big! Farnsworth: A colossal-mouth bass! :bass heads back under the water and the tether starts winding away. Fry: It's diving! :ship shakes and tilts forward. Leela: It's pulling us under! Everyone into the ship! Zoidberg: Wait! I'll save us! By cutting the unbreakable diamond filament! snips at the tether with his claw but it doesn't break. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello? :others shut the turret hatch behind them and the water line creeps towards Zoidberg. He climbs in and shuts it behind him. The ship lurches forward and disappears under the water and the staff scream. Something floats to the surface. Hermes: ship My Speedos! :['''Scene': Ships Cockpit. The room is bathed in red light and a klaxon beeps. Leela watches the depth gauge.]'' Leela: Depth at 45 hundred feet, 48 hundred, 50 hundred! 5000 feet! Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure. Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand? Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. :hull creaks around them. Bender: What's that? Is someone bending girders? :creaking. The depth gauge reaches 6000ft and breaks. Farnsworth's glasses break and so do Bender's eyes. He screws some new ones in. Leela: We'll be crushed if we don't equalise the pressure. Fry: How do we do that? :burst around the room and the water floods in. Farnsworth: That should do it. :water gets higher. Amy: We're all gonna die! Fry: Wait, I'll be back in a minute. :takes off his jacket and swims under the water. A toilet flushes and the water level drops. The staff cheer and Fry walks back in, zipping up his shorts. Leela: You did it, Fry! Fry: Did what? :ship hits some rocks and everyone is thrown across the room, screaming. The ship comes to a rest on the ocean floor. Bender looks out the window. Bender: People, it's far, far worse than we thought; my fish got away. :['''Scene': Ship Corridor. Bender fixes the electricity and the lights come back on, Leela mops the floor and Fry tapes up a crack in the hull.]'' Leela: There. Good as new! Except we're three miles below the surface, we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Bender: restrained Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. Hermes: The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. [He holds up the ''Code of Conduct for Cannibalism book.]'' Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg-- I mean lobster Newburg-- I mean Doctor Zoidberg. Leela: OK, everyone, calm down. The Professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater, you'll go out and look for food. Fry: I'd better go too. They don't know what I like. :opens the airlock. Hermes: Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugar cane truck. Farnsworth: Not necessarily. This is chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. :pulls out a large black pill. Fry: I can't swallow that. Farnsworth: Well then good news! It's a suppository. :['''Scene': Seabed. Fry, Bender and Zoidberg walks across the ocean floor. Fry holds a bag of air. Zoidberg picks up a fish and puts it Bender's chest cabinet.]'' Zoidberg: How are you doing there, Fry? blubbers. Glad to hear it. picks up another fish. Aha! :puts it in Bender's chest cabinet. Bender sees an electric eel and grabs it. It shocks him. Bender: Aw, yeah! :sees a little glowing thing. Zoidberg: Yum, yum, yum! eats it, not realising it is the top of a large pilot fish. Uh-oh! fish chases him and Zoidberg woops and hides in a shell. The fish passes him and he scuttles back to Fry and Bender with the shell on his back. Look at me, I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner! :Lapse. The trio search for food next to a sunken wreck. Fry lifts a skull and crossbones flag. Zoidberg: Careful, Fry, I think that flag might be poisonous. :emerges from the boat wearing a pirate hat and an eye patch and carrying some grog bottles. Bender: Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grog. opens the bottle and tries to drink what is in it but the liquid just drips out and trails away from him in the ocean current. Arr! The laws o' science be a harsh mistress! Zoidberg: Say, robot, old buddy? Could you help me move a couch? Bender: Uh, OK, but I'm not carrying it upstairs. :climbs into the shell, leaving Fry alone. Some seaweed parts, revealing a mermaid. She laughs and swims away and Fry blubbers. Zoidberg and Bender emerge from the shell. Zoidberg: What is it, Fry? Fry: blubbering I think I saw a mermaid. Bender: You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Zoidberg: Your student loans have been repaid? Then how 'bout lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire! :['''Scene': Ships Mess. The staff eat. Fry still blubbers.]'' Leela: Fry, swallow your food. Then talk. :swallows. Fry: A mermaid! :laughs. Amy: You think you saw a mermaid? Fry: No, I did see a mermaid! She was wearing a tube top and she had a beautiful scaly tail. And I think she had hair extensions. Bender: Yeah, right! Leela: Sure she did. Hermes: OK, Fry! Farnsworth: You're simply hallucinating, you ... moron. Fry: What's so far-fetched about mermaids? I mean, there's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future. Like Dr. Zoidberg. :points through the window at Zoidberg. He is wearing a sunhat and has built a window box on his shell and is landscaping a garden. He turns around and waves. Leela: I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Fry: Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness, or I'm drunk, or I ate too much candy. Well I saw a real mermaid and I wish for once my friends would have decency and kindness to believe me. Leela: whispering Ocean madness. :storms out. Farnsworth: He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness. :['''Scene': Fry's and Bender's Quarters. Fry lies awake while Bender snores.]'' Fry: muttering Ocean madness. Yeah, right. It's always something, ain't it? mermaid knocks on the window and Fry gasps. talking It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up! turns up the volume on himself and snores louder. The mermaid beckons Fry. He heads for the door then remembers something. Oh! oxygen! :picks up a suitcase. :['''Cut to': Seabed. Fry steps outside the airlock and closes the door behind him. His suitcase floats away and he screams. The mermaid puts something in his mouth.]'' Mermaid: Here you go, darlin'. :breathes. Fry: Hey! I can breath and talk, just like a fish! Mermaid: Oh, you speak fish? :says something in fish. Fry: What? Mermaid: I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. Hi, my name's Umbriel! Fry: I'm Fry. So, uh, am I gonna drown? Umbriel: Course not. Just stay calm and let the currents relax your every muscle. :relaxes. Fry: Aw, yeah! Umbriel: Did it just get warmer? Fry: I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Umbriel: Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doo-dads comin' outta your hips. Fry: Oh, thanks. They're called pants. :Lapse. Fry and Umbriel sit next to a glowing vent. Umbriel: This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4000 degrees. Fry: No kidding. :relaxes. Umbriel: Did it just get colder? jabs some shrimps with a stick and toasts them over the vent. Tell me more about that bizarre land-y world you come from. Is there water there too? Fry: Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. Umbriel: Hm. Fry: And sometimes it doesn't. :gasps. Umbriel: Oh, Mr. Fry! You do go on! Fry: You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Umbriel: Lions? There are sealions on the land? Fry: Yup. We call them land-sealions ... I tame them! :['''Montage': Fry and Umbriel date to Donovan's Atlantis. They swim on the back of a flat fish, watch a squid and whale fight, and Fry spells out words to Umbriel with glowing fish. They look into each other's eyes and kiss. Umbriel's hair covers the screen.]'' :['''Scene': Ships Galley. Bender reads The Atlantic Monthly while Leela, Amy and Hermes are gathered around something. Enter Farnsworth.]'' Farnsworth: I'm almost finish reconfiguring the ships propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mâché is dry. Leela: Where's Fry? Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor? Farnsworth: No, I've been busy. Hermes: He must've gone out looking for that mermaid. The poor, demented honky. Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies, the screaming moist! :she speaks the staff leave. Bender slams the door behind him. :['''Cut to': Ship Corridor. Leela joins the rest of them. Farnsworth opens the door to the airlock.]'' Farnsworth: We'll form a search party. Now, we'll need oxygen. Bender: I got it covered. opens his chest cabinet and the crew take out some oxygen masks and put them on. In the event of an emergency, my ass can be used as a floatation device. Farnsworth: Ooh, that reminds me: You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Amy: Yes! Stop asking! :['''Scene': Seabed. The staff stand outside the ship wearing their oxygen masks. Zoidberg sniffs around like a dog.]'' Zoidberg: I've got his scent! Over here where the water gets warmer. This way! :staff follow him across the seabed. They peek over a mound and gasp. Ahead of them is a city. Bender: awestruck Bend me! :says something in Chinese. Amy: Dude! An ancient sunken city! :look at a partly-obscured sign that reads "City Of Atl". Farnsworth: Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? rubs away the flora from the sign, revealing "City Of Atlanta". The staff gasp. It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Merman: Howdy, y'all! :['''Scene': City of Atlanta. The staff are greeted by another merman.]'' Colonel: Welcome to Atlanta. Folks round these parts call me the Colonel. [Bender hums ''Dueling Banjos.]'' Here, have some breathers, courtesy of our Chamber of Commerce. :hands them the same breathing gear Umbriel gave Fry earlier. They put them in. Farnsworth: This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository. Colonel: Y'all enjoy your stay! Tourism's our main source of income round here so see the sights, spend some money. Please don't leave! :and Umbriel come out of Krispy Kreme. Bender: Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! whispering I owe you 10 bucks, Hermes! Fry: Hey, you guys, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme! Plus there's mermaids. Colonel: Nice out of town folks, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. :Lapse. The staff, Umbriel and the Colonel wander around the city. Amy: So, Fry, Atlanta was an American city in your time? Fry: I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. Umbriel: No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis, the equal of Paris or New York. Fry: That's right, honey! Whatever you say. Umbriel: Look at these fabulous ruins. Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant, the, uh, the airport. Leela: But tell us, how could a city with such a ... fabulous airport end up underwater? Colonel: Ah, now that's a story that can only rightly be told in a Chamber of Commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour Donovan. :[He presses a button and Donovan appears on the screen and strums the tune to ''Atlantis with slightly different lyrics.]'' Donovan: screen Atlanta was a city, landlocked, Hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean, Yet so desperate the city's desire for tourism, That they moved offshore, becoming an island, And an even bigger Delta hub, :the screen, helicopters lift the city and land it in the ocean. The scene changes to years later. The island is packed with buildings. Donovan: screen until the city overdeveloped And it started to sink. Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away, Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy, The Guy Who Invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, And the other so-called gods of our legends, Though gods they were-- And also, Jane Fonda was there. :boat with the people on pulls away and the city sinks. Donovan: The others chose to remain behind On their porches with their rifles, And one day evolve into mermaids, And sing and dance, And ring in the new. Mermaids: screen Hail Atlanta! :video ends. Leela: The magician? Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Umbriel: Normally, yes, but the caffeine really sped things up. points at a leak in the Coca-Cola factory. That stuff's wonderful. :['''Scene': Colonel's House. The staff are seated around a dining table with the Colonel and Umbriel.]'' Colonel: So when Umbriel first brought home this carpet bagger, I was again' it. But, damnit, if Old Legs here ain't grown on me! :pats Fry on the back. Fry: Aw, shucks, Colonel. :spits tobacco and the spittoon dings. Hermes: Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Farnsworth: Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Fry: Wait. I'm not going with you. :gasps. Leela: But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here. Zoidberg: She's right, I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony. Farnsworth: Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac, be reasonable. Don't you realise that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Fry: Realise it? I don't even understand it! Farnsworth: It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. Fry: I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. :hugs Umbriel. Farnsworth: shouting I'm bored! Let's go! :['''Scene': Outside Colonel's House. On the porch Fry shakes hands with his old friends as they leave.]'' Zoidberg: You know, Fry, I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe? :looks at the Colonel who shakes his head. Fry: Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. :hugs Fry. Bender: crying Oh, Fry! bawls. I'll miss you! :leaves and the Colonel waves. Colonel: Y'all come back now, y'hear? Farnsworth: shouting Let's go, damnit! Let's go! :['''Scene': Ships Airlock. Farnsworth opens the door and the staff walk in. Zoidberg stops outside.]'' Zoidberg: Well, I guess this is goodbye for me as well. Leela: Whatever. Amy: Later. Farnsworth: Bye. :['''Cut to': Seabed. Zoidberg turns away sadly and the door closes behind him. He screams. His shell is a burned ruin.]'' Zoidberg: No! My home! It burned down! and Bender walk out of the ship. Zoidberg cries. crying How did this happen? Hermes: That's a very good question. :picks something up. Bender: So that's where I left my cigar. :smokes it. Hermes: That just raises further questions! :['''Scene': Umbriel's Bedroom. Fry and Umbriel sit on her bed.]'' Fry: You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Umbriel: Oh, Fry! I want you to make a mer-woman outta mer-me. :gets under the sheet and her top floats away. Fry: Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapours! :tears his clothes off and dives under the sheets. He and Umbriel kiss and her tail flaps around. Umbriel: What the hell is that? Fry: Yeah I'm a little confused too. How do I ... y'know ... with the tail and all? Umbriel: I'm not your first am I? I mean, I-I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertiliser. :['''Scene': Outside Colonel's House. Fry runs away from the house.]'' Fry: gasping Why couldn't she be the other type of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom? :Colonel and Umbriel open the door. Umbriel: Now who's gonna escort me to the Debutante Ball? Colonel: Well what about that rich, young dugong from Macon? :['''Scene': Ships Cockpit.]'' Farnsworth: There! The engine modifications are complete. Leela: Prepare for launch. :['''Cut to': Seabed. The ship takes off from the rocky bed. The engine has been modified to flap around like a fish tail. Fry misses the ship.]'' Fry: Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! :sees Bender's fish hook and chases it. He leaps up and grabs it and it pulls him upwards. The giant bass swims up behind him, he screams and the bass eats him. :['''Scene': Port. The bass hangs from a giant set of scales. Mayor Poopenmeyer, photographers and other people are crowded around Bender.]'' Poopenmeyer: And so, in honour of his record-breaking catch, I'm proud to award Bender this cheque for $1000. :shakes Bender's hand and photographers take photos. The crowd cheers. The bass spits out Fry followed by Hermes' Manwich. Leela: It's you! Bender: Hey, buddy! Hermes: My Manwich! Leela: Fry, are you alright? What happened? Amy: What about Umbriel? Fry: Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. Amy: whispering Trouble in bed. :nods. Bender: Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. :puts his arms around Fry. Poopenmeyer looks at the scales. Poopenmeyer: Wait a-- This is no record! Gimme back that cheque! I'm giving it to some giant orphans. :snatches the cheque from Bender. Fry starts struggling. Fry: Ow! Bender, you're hurting me. Ow! :chokes. The bass' gills open. Zoidberg is inside. Zoidberg: Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here! :Credits. Donovan: credits Hail Atlanta! Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Season Two Scripts